Saturday, December 31, 2011

Hold On


The other day I was watching the movie Bridesmaids. [I love Maya Rudolph's wedding dress on the cover of the DVD/Blu-Ray, by the way. I want my wedding dress to be like that]. The bride's favorite song is Hold On. I loved the movie so much, and the usage of this song just made me love it that much more. I grew up listening to Wilson Phillips. My mom and I would sing and dance in our living room. I never really paid that much attention to the lyrics. I just liked the beats and all. But now that I am older the lyrics has much more meaning for me. Hold On is a song full of hope for the future. I think it is the perfect song to begin 2012 with. I leave with you the lyrics and video of Hold On.

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and
Break free from the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one more day and you
Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on

Can you hold on
Hold on baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold on for one more day 'Cause
It's gonna go your way

Make up your mind
Hold on
Hold on
Baby hold on

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Here are some things I learned from the book 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close'. I can relate to them so much, and if I don't relate to them just yet, I feel like I will be able to apply them to my life someday ~


~I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.

~ I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live.

~ It's not a horrible world, but it is filled with a lot of horrible people.

~ So many people enter and leave your life. Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go.
~ There are more places you haven't heard of than you've heard of.

~ Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.

~ There's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.

~ ...sometimes you have to put your fears in order...

~ The end of suffering does not justify the suffering, and so there is no end to suffering.

~ I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question: "Do you like me?"

~ I looked at everyone and wondered where they came from, and who they missed and what they were sorry for. I started to wonder if there were other people so lonely so close to each other. I thought about 'Eleanor Rigby'. It's true. Where do they all come from? Where do they all belong? 

Jonathan Safran Foer, for making me think about life with more intensity than I did before.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

More Than This

Cradling stones hold fire bright
As crickets call out to the moonlight
As you lean in to steal a kiss
I'll never need more than this

We all share the pain of our histories
But the ache goes away if you could see
This night under stars, well, I call it peace
If you say, I'll never need more than this

The trees grow so thick
You can barely see through
But the forest bestows the simplest of truths
You think you'll be happy if granted one more wish
But the truth is you'll never need more
You'll never need more
You'll never need more than this

Want so much in this life
There's so much to be
We sail through our youth so impatiently
Until we see
That the years move along

And soldiers and heroes come home
And they carry a song
Don't live in forgotten times
May this always remind you
Of the sea under the skies blue looking glass
Let's make this our story, let's live in the glory
Time, it fades away
Precious as a song
Cause someday we'll be gone

Cradling stones hold fire bright
As we watch the glow of the morning light
Someday our bones here they will lie, and so we sing
As the years move along and soldiers and heroes come home
And they carry a song
Let's make this our story
Let's live in the glory
Time, it fades away
Precious as a song
Cause someday we'll be gone

~ Vanessa Carlton

Monday, December 5, 2011

Distractions, Frustrations, and Losing Yourself.


Don’t you just hate it when you can’t focus on what you need to? Having your mind filled with thoughts that shouldn't be there, or being distracted by something that shouldn’t matter anymore? Having to think about what should’ve been or could’ve been. Or what would’ve been. Overthinking to the point where your mind becomes a wreck and you end up not thinking at all? ~ just going blank. So you lay your head down and just think to yourself,“Why me? Why now?”.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Definition



Good question. Some people say I'm adventurous, bouncy, cheerful, clumsy, crazy, curious, dreamer, dorky, emotional, energetic, flirty, funny, giggly, goofy, happy, hyper, jubilant, mischievous, nerdy, optimistic, passionate, romantic, silly, weird and many other things. I am just a girl (I am not normal, that's for sure - anything but ordinary please) trying to be happy and I fight for my dreams. I wanna go where no one has gone and I wanna feel what no one has felt! I love life, colors, ADVENTURES, laughing, I LOVE LOVE!!! I believe that if you change YOUR world the WHOLE world will change around you. I love Japanese animation, J-pop, K-pop and cosplaying! I am a proud otaku. I leave with you a glimpse of what defines me!



Otaku.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

No One


I am moving through the crowd
Trying to find myself
Feel like a guitar that's never played
Will someone strum away?

And I ask myself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
and I tell myself
No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me

You are moving through the crowd
Trying to find yourself
Feelin' like a doll left on a shelf
Will someone take you down?

And you ask yourself
Who do I wanna be?
Do I wanna throw away the key?
and invent a whole new me
Gotta tell yourself
No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me

Your life plays out on the shadows of the wall
You turn the light on to erase it all
You wonder what it's like to not feel worthless
So open all the blinds and all the curtains

No One, No One
Don't wanna be
No One
But me

We are moving through the crowd...


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

S P I C E

I love this song so much. I loved it even before I translated it. It had a certain vibe that I could not tear myself away from. Now that I know what the song says, it makes perfect sense. If you would know me, you would understand. To help you understand, I am a hardcore daydreamer and this song is every daydreamer's hymn. It is full of tenderness, melancholy and longing. le sigh. Only helpless romantics like myself feel drawn to it I guess. Anyhow, my girls never disappoint me. Their singing and dancing gets better with each video (Perfume is amazing!). I adore everything they do. I have listened to this song way more times than I am willing to confess. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Listen carefully
If you stare,
Look, if the door opens
Everything is shown

Maybe it’s best to not know
But I wanna be excited unexpectedly
Over and over, the spice of curiosity awakens something

Listen carefully
If you stare,
Look, if the door opens
Everything is shown

Maybe it’s best to not know more than this
I’m so anxious, I’m falling in love
The short distance feels far away, even if I feel it in the same room

Maybe it’s best to not know
But I wanna be excited unexpectedly
Over and over, the spice of curiosity awakens something

Listen carefully
If you stare,
Look, if the door opens
Everything is shown

But maybe it’s best to not know
I’m so anxious, I’m falling in love
The distance feels far away, even if I feel it in the same room

Maybe it’s best to not know
But I wanna be excited unexpectedly
Over and over, the spice of curiosity awakens something

Maybe
Over and over, the spice of curiosity awakens something
I wanna be excited
I’m so anxious
SPICE

Monday, October 31, 2011

Haunted


I think it's impossible to forget someone who once was the reason for the smile on your face. You can't just forget someone like that. I still have feelings for him. And no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm better off without him, a part of me just won't let go.

Louder, louder
The voices in my head
Whispers taunting
All the things you said
Faster the days go by and I'm still
Stuck in this moment of wanting you here

Time
In the blink of an eye
You held my hand, you held me tight
Now you're gone
And I'm still crying
Shocked, broken
I'm dying inside

Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me

Shadows linger
Only to my eye
I see you, I feel you
Don't leave my side
It's not fair
Just when I found my world
They took you, they broke you, they tore out your heart

I miss you, you hurt me
You left with a smile
Mistaken, your sadness
Was hiding inside
Now all that's left
Are the pieces to find
The mystery you kept
The soul behind a guise

Where are you
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me

Why did you go?
All these questions run through my mind
I wish I couldn't feel at all
Let me be numb
I'm starting to fall

Where are you?
I need you
Don't leave me here on my own
Speak to me
Be near me
I can't survive unless I know you're with me
Where are you?
Where are you?
You were smiling

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Change Myself.


I love ICONIQ. I love the songs they have given to her because she can definitely relate to them. I love the lyrics of this song because yet again, I can relate so much to them. I hope you can relate as well.

I sigh and want to cry
Troubles exist for everyone but
I only ever put on my MP3 and pushed the reality away
Those days were unpleasant

If sadness captured everything
I will become slightly stronger
because I overcame many obstacles
Oh I won't be defeated

If it's a "No" now, I'll change it to a "Yes"
I'm doing it for no one but myself
I'm changing, more & more, change for myself
I'm changing, more & more, change for myself
I'm beginning to shine
Gonna change for myself

I only focused on my surroundings
And I forgot to live my own life
I tried to fill the gap with things that were never enough for me
Even if I was doing my best, I was awkward in these empty surroundings

If I could take care of given things
I know I'll be able to trust myself.
No matter how small something is, it could become my strength.

The current me can cross over sadness
And turn my tears into my allies
I'm changing, more & more, change for myself
I'm changing, more & more, change for myself
Yes I'm changing, definitely, change for myself
I'm starting to shine
Gonna change for myself

I've been climbing
Sad and painful things!
But if I get a little tired
I cry and reset
I'm trying so hard to protect myself that it's impossible to care about others.
Therefore, I'm gonna move on.
In order to become gentle I'm movin' on today

If it's a "No" now, I'll change it to a "Yes"
I'm doing it for no one but myself
I'm changing, more & more, change for myself
I'm changing, more & more, change for myself
Yes I'm changing, definitely, change for myself
I'm beginning to shine
Gonna change for myself

- Hiro

Light ahead.


I love ICONIQ. All her songs are so cool, but this one in particular has such a feel good vibe. It lifts my spirit up when I am feeling down. The lyrics are so simple yet so deep. I hope you guys like it, too.

Keep on going
Don’t look back, keep on going
Don’t look back... to the next stage


I gaze at this familiar scenery for one last time
Thank you. When I spoke aloud.
My voice sounded slightly insecure.


It’ll be okay soon. I’ll be okay on my own
This lonely feeling will fade soon
I throw away all my unnecessary baggage
Yeah, I move freely
I still have a long way to go...!
To the light ahead


One, two, three!
I remove my old key and hold it up to the light
Wonders, wishes and memories wash over me
Like magic.
I don’t need it anymore!

Keep on going
Don’t look back, keep on going
Don’t look back... to the next stage, going!


I stand still in this unfamiliar city and take a deep breath
Suddenly I start to feel lonely
And my heart clenches


It’ll be okay soon. I’ll be okay on my own
Yeah, this loneliness will fade soon
I know I’ll get used to this place immediately
Yeah, I take it easy
I still have a long way to go...!
To the light ahead

One, two, three!
I attach a new key and put it in my pocket
I look forward to this new, unseen future
To that place where an infinite light is visible

Keep on going
Don’t look back, keep on going
Don’t look back... to the next stage, going!

In the future there will be more ups and downs
Even if there will be highs and lows
I will overcome them one by one
Keep on going
Light... to the light ahead!


One, two, three!
I remove my old key and hold it up to the light
One, two, three!
I attach a new key and put it in my pocket
I look forward to this new, unseen future
To that place where an infinite light is visible

Keep on going
Don’t look back, keep on going
Don’t look back... to the next stage, going!

It’s okay, I can see the light ahead. I can see it clearly
It’s okay, I can see the light ahead. I wonder if I can believe in it ☆

Keep on going
Don’t look back, keep on going
Don’t look back... to the next stage, going!
To the light ahead

- Light Ahead by Momo "Mocha" N., U-Key Zone

Monday, October 24, 2011

Emotions & Thoughts.

'It's difficult to change someone's emotions. No matter what they are, so long as they are engraved deeply into the heart. I suppose hatred would be the hardest. Many people will say that hatred does not last. But that is not the same as it going away. It's still there. It's just hiding where you can't see it. And given the slightest chance it will reassert itself. Now then, given hatred's persistence, what should you do if you cannot get rid of it? The only possibility is to overwrite it with an equally powerful emotion. Yes, those would be love and trust.'

'When a person cannot encounter which they do not understand, what do they do? Yes, they think. What is it? Why did it happen? How should I think about it? What should I do now? The more you think, the further away you get from the truth of it. Yes. Your thoughts get in the way of what your instinct desires. Your thoughts get in the way of the real answer.'

- CLAMP from 'Blood C'


Friday, October 21, 2011

Empath.


‎"If I were going to create a science fiction series on television, it would be about an empath - a person who can naturally read the auras of people's emotion, and with a single touch can take on their feelings, too. Anyone who cries at a movie is a closet empath. What's happening on the screen bleeds through the celluloid, real enough to evoke emotion."

- Jodi Picoult from 'House Rules'

I want to thank Jodi Picoult, because thanks to her brilliant analysis, I've realized I'm a closet empath. Anybody wanna do that Sci-Fi TV show? I will gladly volunteer!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Spiral.


Saya-chan! My next cosplay! I love Saya and I love this anime! And therefore, I freaking love the opening! The song is so good. It kinda explains how I feel some days. Here are the lyrics. I hope you like the song and the lyrics as much as I do.

Wandering, trapped in an endless night
Losing meaning in existence
The past can't return
Don't you dare to know

All the things I believe are crumbling away
The dark days
I don't want to look at reality
The circumstances
I can't slip away from
Don't know where to go

Do you know that "hope" is fake in this world
And "despair" is the only truth I've got
Cutting apart the darkness

Restless infinity
Why must I be bleeding?
Inescapable melancholy
Struggling to my limits
On the verge of madness
Because it will never end

Now with nothing left to believe in
Is this the life I have to face?
This unbearable, suffering world!

Even if I move on facing forward
There's nothing I can do
I feel as if I'm lying to myself

But these realities tear away at me
Why do we live?
Why are we here?
Who should I complain to?
Who will understand me?
Where is the fucking truth?
Who will judge us, who always hurt and kill each other?
What do you like?
Who do you love?
Is there no reason, God why?

In this hellish life
I will continue until the end
I want freedom
Don't think you can take the easy way
At this stage, break through the path waiting for us

No one will try to understand us
It's been over ten years!
You stupid or something?
Wanting to destroy infinity

That's my last scream!
This unavoidable reality
No Pain, No Gain
Absolute resistance

If there really is an end
What do I expect?
This current Apocalypse
It won't change, this suffering world!


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Cada que pienso en ti.


I sing for you. I think of you. I remember when I lost my mind. I lose it, Wolf. You see... every time you come around you remind me that in many ways my life is a semi-lie. You remind me that I work like a slave for selfish attorneys and for what? I am buried in bills. That I have somewhat buried my passion. That I have not sung or danced wholeheartedly for months. You bring it out of me. How? Why? I love you and hate you at the same time. I never liked wolves until I met you. I was fine. I was just fine trying to survive day by day. I wonder if every time I sing I might just be singing for you. Doki doki. Do you wanna dance with me? I love dreaming, dreaming.

But I also end up in this chaotic state. I hate it. I feel sick. Not being able to breathe. Feeling my chest closing up. It is horrible and I am so grateful I have not had panic attacks in a long time. I do not think this feeling is normal.
You know what kills me? I am never going to find anyone that can replace the Wolf. Sure, I can try, but the Wolf is the Wolf, right? I will never forget the Wolf. I haven't been able to so far. I don't think I really want to either. But I need to let go (again) and move on. I do forget some days, when I have too much crap going on. I keep myself busy so I can forget and that makes things easier. I do think the Wolf deserves all my honesty. After all we have been through, I think it is the least the Wolf deserves.

There was a time when I needed someone and the Wolf was not around. I was not thinking about him at the time because he was so far away and well, one tends to think that when things are over, they are over for sure, right? What were the odds of the Wolf speaking to me again? We needed closure. We never had the time. Maybe if we had gone our separate ways in a nastier way, things would have been easier. Maybe if we had actually said goodbye. But we did say goodbye, right? It didn't work out very well. But that time when I was alone and the Wolf was not around because he was doing his own thing, I found the Monkey and I fell hard. How could I not follow the Monkey around? He is so much fun. He is goofy and silly. He took my heart and whispered sweet nothings to it. He heard me out when I needed an ear. He would be his Monkey self and try to cheer me up afterwards, distracting me. taking my mind off the sad things. How could I not fall for him?

How did we end up here? This never ending story. It will never end. One of us has to end it since I doubt we will both end it voluntarily and willingly. We tried. We have tried so many times before. It doesn't turn out quite right. The pull is too much. Why couldn't the Wolf just forget me? It really does not help when I am in line at the bank, watching the news, and the story that comes up on screen is about some crazy guy in Ohio that apparently had like 50 plus wild animals living with him on his farm, and then this guy had the BRILLIANT idea to set all the animals free and THEN proceed to shoot himself (I have a point, getting there, but please see the article here: http://abcnews.go.com/US/animals-loose-ohio-town-lockdown/story?id=14767017). Since the animals were dangerous and were heading into the suburbs, the police shot almost all of the animals (so sad!), but when I was watching the news the reporter did something so crazy. You know, the reporter could have spoken about ANY of the animals that were loose, but NO! The reporter proceeded to describe how some officers had to chase and shoot a wolf. A wolf. If that isn't coincidence, I don't know what the hell it is. I mean, come on! Sigh. See? I told you I had a point. I just digress.

I wish I could see the Wolf. I do. Maybe that would help me move on... or not... it cuts both ways. Maybe if I saw the Wolf I could believe that what we have is a fantasy... and nothing more... or not. I don't know. Maybe the wolf on the news is just a coincidence, maybe not... maybe I finally am going insane. I haven't had any panic attacks lately though. Maybe I am just a different kind of insane.

You see, I want the Wolf to be happy even if it is not with me. I desire it with all my heart. I already have my Monkey, and I love him and he loves me. Is it possible to love both a Monkey and a Wolf? They are so different from each other. I don't know what else to ask God for. The Wolf is so good and wonderful. I know him. He is transparent, honest, compassionate and so many other things that will make me cry if I go on. He deserves to be happy.

Sigh. Why can' I stop thinking about the Wolf? Am I obsessed? I am obsessive-compulsive after all. The Trichotillomania (pull, tug, pull, tug my poor hair) and my OCD tendencies are full proof of that. Is it part of my mental illness? I wish I could see the Wolf and maybe then I could convince myself that this is all a little fantasy in my head. That maybe this longing is not real. But at the same time, I do not want to see him. Some things are better left alone. So I am gonna get my shovel and bury everything right where it was. I am done. Done. No more. I can't.

Belanova - Cada que...

Siento que, (I feel that)
desde aquel momento que te vi, (ever since I saw you)
descifré que nunca serías para mi, (I deciphered that you would not be for me)
que tal vez conocerte fue mi error, (that maybe meeting you was my mistake)
o quizás, el amor se equivocó (or maybe it was Love's mistake)

Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)

Siento que, (I feel like)
tu me cortas la respiración (you cut my breathing)
cada vez, (every time)
que te acercas solo un poco a mi, (you come near me)
que tal vez conocerte fue mi error (and maybe meeting you was my mistake)
o quizás, el amor se equivocó (or maybe it was Love's mistake)

Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)

Pero esta historia tiene que parar, (but this story needs to end)
no entiendo ésto de verdad (I really do not understand this)
no tiene caso esta situación (this situation is quite useless)
porque ésto es tan ilógico (because it is so illogical)

Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)



Song.


I finally let my body sway with the wind. I need my music though. It fills my soul. I decide to relax and sing. I sing out my thoughts. I sing out what I feel. It's my soul singing. I pour it on the grass. I pour my song over that little creek. I pour it out while I sit on the bench. My song is full of mixed emotions: sadness, melancholy, love, hope... It"s all there, alive, beating. I can feel my voice syncing with my body. They sway together now and the wind joins the rhythm. The movement. The wind joins me and it feels so good. Trees and grass surrounding me. I like green. It gives me hope and it makes me feel alive.

While I sing, each part of me interconnects in harmony. I have stopped swaying. I am now dancing with the wind. My heart singing out loud until it feels like it might explode. The beat of my heart becomes one with the song. It's full of love. It needs to be spread. I want someone to receive it. The flowers and the trees are now my dancing partners. We all move together in harmony. I can see them dancing along to my song. I see THEM. I see the people that are not swaying to a melody. They are not swaying to my melody. I want them to hear my song. I want to sing it to them. I want to spread my wings now. Show them how song and love combined can transform you. I know for sure in my heart that after hearing a melody, my song or any melody, things can change.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Naive Ol' Jen... Naive Orleans

Oy, Wolf. You love stirring me up, don't you? You know, funny how this song (Naive Orleans from Anberlin) kinda represents what I feel right now... I find it funny because I am going to see Anberlin live tomorrow, and maybe it is even a little ironic at the same time... because, well, you have no idea, do you? Of what I have been through? I went through Hell. YOU HAVE NO IDEA, DO YOU? Of what you make me feel? Of how much it can really hurt? Did you ever wake up crying in the middle of the night? Did you ever have that restless insomnia? I hope not, because I did and it sucked. You mock me because I ended up in therapy... how dare you... I needed to fix my head. My head that you messed up with so well because you knew me so well, and you used that to your advantage. You knew me so well and you knew what buttons to push. I am different now. I am hurting and bleeding all over again thanks to you. You couldn't just let it be. Dormant. That is how it needs to stay. Dormant. Buried. Deep down. Forever. Some things are just meant to be left alone, Wolf. Everytime you come around you lift up all the dust and I start sneezing without control. I can't do it again. We cannot do it again. Too much pain.

Come and go now as you please. You always do, anyways, Wolf.
Your actions write the melodies. They always do.
To those songs that we sing.
My tune always changes when you are around.
And you just sing. And I sing as well. Are we even singing the same song?


And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around. It has too. I need to live day by day even though you are not here. I feel like I have survived the chaos. Don't take away my sanity again, please.

Is this the way you want it?
Is this the way it has to be?
Sitting here beside you
When my heart's lost in New Orleans

Dreams come clever. I think about my dreams more.
Hearts now severed. Our hearts are way beyond being beat up, Wolf. Wanna beat up my heart some more?
Difference of forever. Summary of what we are.
And I am lost there. That is how I feel... lost...

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And my world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud, yea

Come and go now as you please
Your actions write the melodies
To those songs that we sing
And you just sing

And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that life goes on without you
And the world still turns when you're not around
And I finally found that all

Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
Your actions write the melodies
To the songs that we sing
And you just sing along out loud


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

What you want.

Music is such a beautiful release for me. It soothes me. It gives me strength. It gives me a perfect escape. Solace. I love it when my favorite bands makes songs that can express my feelings. Awesome lyrics, awesome beats. These songs make me so happy, because I can be sure that someone out there feels the same way I do. And I am sure many other people other there can relate to the lyrics because they feel the same way. The beauty of music: it brings us together. I love this song. I was alone in my room jumping, singing, going around in circles while I was listening to it. It made me feel lighter. Free. I hope you can relate to the song as well. The parts that really jumped out to me are in bold. :)

Do what you, what you want
If you have a dream for better
Do what you, what you want
'til you don’t want it anymore (remember who you really are)

Do what you, what you want
Your world’s closing in on you now (it isn’t over)
Stand and face the unknown (got to remember who you really are)

Every heart in my hands
Like a pale reflection

Hello, hello, remember me?
I’m everything you can’t control
Somewhere beyond the pain
There must be a way to believe
We can break through

Do what you, what you want
You don’t have to lay your life down (it isn’t over)
Do what you, what you want
‘til you find what you’re looking for (got to remember who you really are)

But every hour slipping by
Screams that I have failed you

Hello, hello, remember me?
I’m everything you can’t control
Somewhere beyond the pain
There must be a way to believe

There’s still time
Close your eyes
Only love will guide you home
Tear down the world and free your soul
‘Til we crash
We’re forever spiraling
Down, down, down, down

Hello, hello
It’s only me infecting everything you love
Somewhere beyond the pain
There must be a way to believe

Hello, hello, remember me?
I’m everything you can’t control
Somewhere beyond the pain
There must be a way to learn forgiveness

Hello, hello, remember me?
I’m everything you can’t control
Somewhere beyond the pain
There must be a way to believe
We can break through

Remember who you really are
Do what you, what you want!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Walking on a Dream


We are always running for the thrill of it.
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it.
On and on and on we are calling out and out again.
Never looking down; I’m just in awe of what’s in front of me.




Is it real now?
When two people become one?
I can feel it; when two people become one.
Thought I’d never see the love you found in me.
Now it’s changing all the time.
Living in a rhythm where the minutes work overtime.
Catch me! I’m falling down!
Don’t stop; just keep going on.
I’m your shoulder; lean upon.
So come on deliver from inside.
All we got is tonight; that is right - till first light.


I haven't dwelled upon my ghosts for a while... and yet... I can't help but wonder what the Wolf might think if he heard this song. I wonder if he would like it.
Walking on a dream...
How can I explain talking to myself
Will I see again?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Today...


This is how I feel today.

Run away. Stay. Longing to feel whole. Struggling for a long time. No result. Not knowing what more can be done. Empty. Miracles. Silly to think things could change. Love. Need. So powerful. Frustration. Longing to know what more can be done. Lack of action. No more action. It hurts. Rest. Sleep. So tired. Longing to sleep. So far away. Come back. Encounter. No productive result. Sadness. Separate. Far apart. Lack of understanding. In need of more. In need of background. Context could be helpful. Mind. Illusions. Dreams. Far far away. Longing to be closer. The Sun. Warmth. Sight. Insight. Go deeper. Find what is hidden underneath. So much to cut through. It cuts both ways. Ripping apart from the inside out. Tearing sound. Her heart. Oblivion. Falling in deeper. No end. Spiraling. Unpleasant surroundings. Good feelings deep inside. Confrontation. Crash. Bullshit. Heavy. Weak. Not floating. Walking round in circles. Trying to shrug it off. Kick it far away. Pain. Fear. Sick. Yes, afraid. Express feelings. No more. Lack of trust. Longing to understand what went wrong. Self-critical. Unrealistic. Lack of communication. Longing to talk. Desire to hear and to be heard. Escape. Need to run away. Start from scratch. Need to be clean. Sadness. No more.


Sunday, October 2, 2011

Moment for Life...

This song is so uplifting. Really. Just look at the lyrics. The last couple of years have been very rough for me, but I think I am finally finding peace and tranquility thanks to the little things in life. Watching TV (especially watching shows that make me laugh and squeal), singing, dancing, reading, writing, making new friends, among other things have helped me find myself again. Just being myself. I can relate so much to this song. It makes me wanna dream some more and appreciate even more all those things that have made me happy. I hope you guys can relate to it too. :)

I fly with the stars in the skies,
I am no longer trying to survive. I used to be the kind of girl that was too down to EARTH, and I was afraid of flying. I used to live each day in survival mode, but I no longer want to live that way.
I believe that life is a prize,
But to live doesn’t mean you’re alive. Life is too precious to waste away. Like the Chinese proverb says: Enjoy your life, it's later than you think.
Don’t worry about me and who I fire. I am a very emotional and intense girl, and sometimes when I am caught up in my daily life situations I tend to hurt the people around me because I do not know how to deal with my emotions.
I get what I desire, it’s my empire. I have so many dreams and desires that I will fight for.
And yes I call the shots, I am the umpire. Oh yeah!
I sprinkle holy water upon a vampire, vampire. In my world, all the traitors and the hypocrites.
And this very moment I’m king.
This very moment I slay Goliath with a sling.
This very moment I bring,
Put it on everything that I will retire with the ring,
And I will retire with the crown, Yes!
No, I’m not lucky. I’m blessed, Yes!
Clap for the heavyweight champ, Me!
But I couldn’t do it all alone, We!

Young Money raised me, grew up out in Paisley.
Southside Jamaica, Queens and it’s crazy. I grew up In Guatemala, people! Represent the hood!
Cuz I’m still hood, Hollywood couldn’t change me. I live in Los Angeles, and I feel I haven't changed that much just because I have been living in the United States. :D
Shout out to my haters, sorry that you couldn’t faze me!
'Aint being cocky, we just vindicated, best believe that when we're done.
This moment will be syndicated, I don’t know this night just reminds me of everything that they deprived me of.
Put ya drinks up, it’s a celebration every time we link up.
We done did everything they can think of
Greatness is what we wanna brink up.

I can’t believe we really made it I’m partly surprised, I swear.
Damn, this one for the books, man!
I swear this shit is as fun as it looks, man!
I’m really trying to make it more than what it is, cuz everybody dies but not everybody lives!

This is my moment, I waited all my life I can tell its time.
Drifting away, I’m one with the sunsets, I have become alive.

I wish that I could have this moment for life, for life, for life
Cuz in this moment I just feel so alive, alive, alive...


Friday, September 30, 2011

Sing me life...

This song was written by Gaby Moreno: a very talented Guatemalan singer-songwriter. Her song describes how I feel most days. I attached the song for you to listen to it. It is amazing! Enjoy! :)

Sing the ups
Sing the downs
And the silent people shaking the grounds
Sing the faith
Sing the truth
Burning fire in the belly of youth
Sing the progress
And some missteps
While we're making our way
Somedays it's so hard to escape the dark cloud
Hovering over our heads

Sing the bright day
From a long night
And a tunnel giving way to the light
Sing the good deeds
And the fowl plays
And crosses carried we all pay
Face the problem in our system
We can fight this disease
(I know) Somedays it's so hard to escape the dark cloud
Hovering over our heads

But I'm not gonna let them bend my view
I'm not gonna let them paint me blue
Not this time, not any time,
I'm gonna sing me life
That's what I'm gonna do
(And you should too)

Sing, sing, sing, sing, sing

- Gaby Moreno




Sunday, August 7, 2011

Monster

I don't know if I have told you all, but Paramore is one of my favorite bands. What I love the most about Paramore is that they always have a song that speaks about what I am living through. Their newest single speaks a lot about what I am going through right now in my life. I always try to explain how the lyrics apply to my life and how I feel.

Please feel free to comment and enjoy the video. :)

Paramore - Monster

You were my conscience, so solid, now you're like water.Yep, I had relationships with a people that thought they were my freaking conscious. I might sound a bit resentful, but these people hurt me so much. They thought they had me in their hands, but they no longer have that control or power over me. They are like water just passing through.
And we started drowning, not like we'd sink any farther. And yes, I went through some troubled times after they had no control over me, but you always float back to surface, right?
But I let my heart go, it's somewhere down the bottom.
I hit rock bottom, but I was able to swim back up. My heart was so heavy due to their influence that I felt it was at the bottom.
But I'll get a new one and come back for the hope that you've stolen. I came back. My heart might not be new, but it is regenerating itself thanks to the love and support of people who really care about me and listen to MY dreams.

I'm only human, I've got a skeleton in me.
At the end of the day, we are only human, we make mistakes, we are not perfect. We are ALLOWED to make mistakes, right? Even if it hurts. That is what life is all about.
but I'm not the villain, despite what you're always preaching. They all preach I have given my back to God. That my life is twisted. That I am a sinner. I know that's not true. I am just me. Trying to survive. And I make mistakes, but this mistakes only harm myself. So why do they judge me? I am not hurting anybody else. Why don't they leave me alone? I have tried to be a good person. I wish they would stop preaching and let me live my life.
Call me a traitor, I'm just collecting your victims. So many people are getting fed up of being pointed at and they are looking for support. I will come along and try to give them support. (through counseling). All together we will be able to open the minds and hearts of the close-minded people. Make them see that there is another way to live than instilling fear in others.

And they're getting stronger. People are really getting fed of being pointed at. Their weakness becomes their strength.
I hear them calling.

Well, you find your strength in solutions. Some people think they are strong because they know the answer to everything. But that is not always applicable to everybody...
But I liked the tension. Some people, like myself, find strength in the adversity because it is like we are hit by a light once we actually find a way out of our problems. It is more enlightening when you are struggling and you find the way, as to when you always "have control" Sometimes this control is just a facade.
And not always knowing the answers. I have learned to feel okay with not knowing all the answers. I am not going to kill myself for not knowing. The unknown now makes me excited and curious, and no longer afraid. Whatever needs to pass, shall pass. Everything happens for a reason, and I embrace my unknown future with a curious expectancy.
But you're gonna lose it, you're gonna lose it. The people that judge me are going to regret ever pointing their fingers at me. I will laugh in their faces.

I'll stop the whole world, I'll stop the whole world
From turning into a monster, eating us alive. Others and I will stop the world from judging, and even if we cannot completely stop them, we will find a way that whatever they say will not affect us, but will affect them. We will make them sorry for being "monsters" towards us. They will regret talking behind our backs. They will regret judging us. They will regret saying we were this and that. We will show them who is better.
Don't you ever wonder how we survive? Their ridiculous charades have made us stronger. Their ridiculous ways have made us find ways to overcome all the bad things that attack us.
Now that your gone, the world is ours. Now that we no longer pay attention to them and we kick them out of our minds and hearts, they have no power over us. The world is ours.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Glider

Today is my anniversary with my boyfriend, Ryan. Three years together. We have been through so much and we are here: together, stronger than ever. I love him so much. He has been my strength and light when I felt weak and I was falling into the darkness. I love him so much.

I also love this song because it is super cute, and when I sing it and dance to it, I think about Ryan and how cute and goofy he can be sometimes. I love him. I know everything from here on is going to be just fine. Everything is going to be OK because I do not have that many ghosts haunting me anymore, and the ones that I still have can be taken care of. Our love is stronger than bakemonos (ghosts). I can feel it strong and I can see it clearly. I hope you guys like the song too. It is so adorable and Toshiko's voice transmits such cute and serene feelings. She gets what I am feeling in the song. Here you go!

Capsule - Glider 【グライダー】

Though I want to put clothes made in Heaven on
And I have a dream of flying in the sky
Though the sun is warm too
My wings have already broken
I felt like anything would come true
It was just a matter in the limited world
Am I the only one
That has never been out of this wall?

Since that day
There has been
Something precious
Unchanging in my heart
My feelings are high
Words are surely a glider
Almost always
I feel like I'm flying
After all, we seem to be living
Ah, from a distant place
I can't pray
For you
Come here
I want to be with you