I sing for you. I think of you. I remember when I lost my mind. I lose it, Wolf. You see... every time you come around you remind me that in many ways my life is a semi-lie. You remind me that I work like a slave for selfish attorneys and for what? I am buried in bills. That I have somewhat buried my passion. That I have not sung or danced wholeheartedly for months. You bring it out of me. How? Why? I love you and hate you at the same time. I never liked wolves until I met you. I was fine. I was just fine trying to survive day by day. I wonder if every time I sing I might just be singing for you. Doki doki. Do you wanna dance with me? I love dreaming, dreaming.
But I also end up in this chaotic state. I hate it. I feel sick. Not being able to breathe. Feeling my chest closing up. It is horrible and I am so grateful I have not had panic attacks in a long time. I do not think this feeling is normal.
You know what kills me? I am never going to find anyone that can replace the Wolf. Sure, I can try, but the Wolf is the Wolf, right? I will never forget the Wolf. I haven't been able to so far. I don't think I really want to either. But I need to let go (again) and move on. I do forget some days, when I have too much crap going on. I keep myself busy so I can forget and that makes things easier. I do think the Wolf deserves all my honesty. After all we have been through, I think it is the least the Wolf deserves.
There was a time when I needed someone and the Wolf was not around. I was not thinking about him at the time because he was so far away and well, one tends to think that when things are over, they are over for sure, right? What were the odds of the Wolf speaking to me again? We needed closure. We never had the time. Maybe if we had gone our separate ways in a nastier way, things would have been easier. Maybe if we had actually said goodbye. But we did say goodbye, right? It didn't work out very well. But that time when I was alone and the Wolf was not around because he was doing his own thing, I found the Monkey and I fell hard. How could I not follow the Monkey around? He is so much fun. He is goofy and silly. He took my heart and whispered sweet nothings to it. He heard me out when I needed an ear. He would be his Monkey self and try to cheer me up afterwards, distracting me. taking my mind off the sad things. How could I not fall for him?
How did we end up here? This never ending story. It will never end. One of us has to end it since I doubt we will both end it voluntarily and willingly. We tried. We have tried so many times before. It doesn't turn out quite right. The pull is too much. Why couldn't the Wolf just forget me? It really does not help when I am in line at the bank, watching the news, and the story that comes up on screen is about some crazy guy in Ohio that apparently had like 50 plus wild animals living with him on his farm, and then this guy had the BRILLIANT idea to set all the animals free and THEN proceed to shoot himself (I have a point, getting there, but please see the article here: http://abcnews.go.com/US/animals-loose-ohio-town-lockdown/story?id=14767017). Since the animals were dangerous and were heading into the suburbs, the police shot almost all of the animals (so sad!), but when I was watching the news the reporter did something so crazy. You know, the reporter could have spoken about ANY of the animals that were loose, but NO! The reporter proceeded to describe how some officers had to chase and shoot a wolf. A wolf. If that isn't coincidence, I don't know what the hell it is. I mean, come on! Sigh. See? I told you I had a point. I just digress.
I wish I could see the Wolf. I do. Maybe that would help me move on... or not... it cuts both ways. Maybe if I saw the Wolf I could believe that what we have is a fantasy... and nothing more... or not. I don't know. Maybe the wolf on the news is just a coincidence, maybe not... maybe I finally am going insane. I haven't had any panic attacks lately though. Maybe I am just a different kind of insane.
You see, I want the Wolf to be happy even if it is not with me. I desire it with all my heart. I already have my Monkey, and I love him and he loves me. Is it possible to love both a Monkey and a Wolf? They are so different from each other. I don't know what else to ask God for. The Wolf is so good and wonderful. I know him. He is transparent, honest, compassionate and so many other things that will make me cry if I go on. He deserves to be happy.
Sigh. Why can' I stop thinking about the Wolf? Am I obsessed? I am obsessive-compulsive after all. The Trichotillomania (pull, tug, pull, tug my poor hair) and my OCD tendencies are full proof of that. Is it part of my mental illness? I wish I could see the Wolf and maybe then I could convince myself that this is all a little fantasy in my head. That maybe this longing is not real. But at the same time, I do not want to see him. Some things are better left alone. So I am gonna get my shovel and bury everything right where it was. I am done. Done. No more. I can't.
Belanova - Cada que...
Siento que, (I feel that)
desde aquel momento que te vi, (ever since I saw you)
descifré que nunca serías para mi, (I deciphered that you would not be for me)
que tal vez conocerte fue mi error, (that maybe meeting you was my mistake)
o quizás, el amor se equivocó (or maybe it was Love's mistake)
Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)
Siento que, (I feel like)
tu me cortas la respiración (you cut my breathing)
cada vez, (every time)
que te acercas solo un poco a mi, (you come near me)
que tal vez conocerte fue mi error (and maybe meeting you was my mistake)
o quizás, el amor se equivocó (or maybe it was Love's mistake)
Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)
Pero esta historia tiene que parar, (but this story needs to end)
no entiendo ésto de verdad (I really do not understand this)
no tiene caso esta situación (this situation is quite useless)
porque ésto es tan ilógico (because it is so illogical)
Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)
But I also end up in this chaotic state. I hate it. I feel sick. Not being able to breathe. Feeling my chest closing up. It is horrible and I am so grateful I have not had panic attacks in a long time. I do not think this feeling is normal.
You know what kills me? I am never going to find anyone that can replace the Wolf. Sure, I can try, but the Wolf is the Wolf, right? I will never forget the Wolf. I haven't been able to so far. I don't think I really want to either. But I need to let go (again) and move on. I do forget some days, when I have too much crap going on. I keep myself busy so I can forget and that makes things easier. I do think the Wolf deserves all my honesty. After all we have been through, I think it is the least the Wolf deserves.
There was a time when I needed someone and the Wolf was not around. I was not thinking about him at the time because he was so far away and well, one tends to think that when things are over, they are over for sure, right? What were the odds of the Wolf speaking to me again? We needed closure. We never had the time. Maybe if we had gone our separate ways in a nastier way, things would have been easier. Maybe if we had actually said goodbye. But we did say goodbye, right? It didn't work out very well. But that time when I was alone and the Wolf was not around because he was doing his own thing, I found the Monkey and I fell hard. How could I not follow the Monkey around? He is so much fun. He is goofy and silly. He took my heart and whispered sweet nothings to it. He heard me out when I needed an ear. He would be his Monkey self and try to cheer me up afterwards, distracting me. taking my mind off the sad things. How could I not fall for him?
How did we end up here? This never ending story. It will never end. One of us has to end it since I doubt we will both end it voluntarily and willingly. We tried. We have tried so many times before. It doesn't turn out quite right. The pull is too much. Why couldn't the Wolf just forget me? It really does not help when I am in line at the bank, watching the news, and the story that comes up on screen is about some crazy guy in Ohio that apparently had like 50 plus wild animals living with him on his farm, and then this guy had the BRILLIANT idea to set all the animals free and THEN proceed to shoot himself (I have a point, getting there, but please see the article here: http://abcnews.go.com/US/animals-loose-ohio-town-lockdown/story?id=14767017). Since the animals were dangerous and were heading into the suburbs, the police shot almost all of the animals (so sad!), but when I was watching the news the reporter did something so crazy. You know, the reporter could have spoken about ANY of the animals that were loose, but NO! The reporter proceeded to describe how some officers had to chase and shoot a wolf. A wolf. If that isn't coincidence, I don't know what the hell it is. I mean, come on! Sigh. See? I told you I had a point. I just digress.
I wish I could see the Wolf. I do. Maybe that would help me move on... or not... it cuts both ways. Maybe if I saw the Wolf I could believe that what we have is a fantasy... and nothing more... or not. I don't know. Maybe the wolf on the news is just a coincidence, maybe not... maybe I finally am going insane. I haven't had any panic attacks lately though. Maybe I am just a different kind of insane.
You see, I want the Wolf to be happy even if it is not with me. I desire it with all my heart. I already have my Monkey, and I love him and he loves me. Is it possible to love both a Monkey and a Wolf? They are so different from each other. I don't know what else to ask God for. The Wolf is so good and wonderful. I know him. He is transparent, honest, compassionate and so many other things that will make me cry if I go on. He deserves to be happy.
Sigh. Why can' I stop thinking about the Wolf? Am I obsessed? I am obsessive-compulsive after all. The Trichotillomania (pull, tug, pull, tug my poor hair) and my OCD tendencies are full proof of that. Is it part of my mental illness? I wish I could see the Wolf and maybe then I could convince myself that this is all a little fantasy in my head. That maybe this longing is not real. But at the same time, I do not want to see him. Some things are better left alone. So I am gonna get my shovel and bury everything right where it was. I am done. Done. No more. I can't.
Belanova - Cada que...
Siento que, (I feel that)
desde aquel momento que te vi, (ever since I saw you)
descifré que nunca serías para mi, (I deciphered that you would not be for me)
que tal vez conocerte fue mi error, (that maybe meeting you was my mistake)
o quizás, el amor se equivocó (or maybe it was Love's mistake)
Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)
Siento que, (I feel like)
tu me cortas la respiración (you cut my breathing)
cada vez, (every time)
que te acercas solo un poco a mi, (you come near me)
que tal vez conocerte fue mi error (and maybe meeting you was my mistake)
o quizás, el amor se equivocó (or maybe it was Love's mistake)
Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)
Pero esta historia tiene que parar, (but this story needs to end)
no entiendo ésto de verdad (I really do not understand this)
no tiene caso esta situación (this situation is quite useless)
porque ésto es tan ilógico (because it is so illogical)
Y cada que pienso en ti, (And every time I think about you)
se enciende mi corazón, (my heart turns on)
y nada es mas triste que hoy (and the saddest thing today)
hablar de ti (is to be talking about you)
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