Sometimes having all this stuff in my head can be pretty overwhelming. Thank God for virtual journals. It works as an external hard drive for my head. I hope you enjoy my randomness.
When I think in the mental state I have been in the last couple of months, Flo's song is so adequate to describe such state...
Florence + The Machine - Blinding
Seems that I have been held, in some dreaming state A tourist in the waking world, never quite awake No kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber Until I realize that it was you who held me under
Felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids Shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs
And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack All around the world was waking, I never could go back Because all the walls of dreaming, they were torn right open And finally it seemed that the spell was broken
And all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open
No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone No more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden No more dreaming like a girl so in love, so in love No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world
Last night I had a dream, but based on the way I felt when I woke up, I should better call it a nightmare. I felt distressed and distraught. Out of it... I hate feeling that way. I guess I dreamt about the wolf because I talked about him at dinner last night. Note to myself: never talk about the wolf... ever. That way I will not dream about him. Because of how I felt this morning and still kinda do, this song perfectly fits the way I feel right now. Ingrid Michaelson is awesome like that.
Ingrid Michaelson - Starting Now
I want to crawl back inside my mother's womb I want to shut out all the lights in this room I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink Scrub away all these thoughts that I think of you
So life moves slowly when you're waiting for it to boil Feel like I watch from 6 feet under the soil Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears But I re count the countless tears that I lost for you
I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin Instead I'll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains Spinning away every piece that remains of you.
But before you finally go there's one thing you should know: That I promise -
Starting now I'll never know your name Starting now I'll never feel the same Starting now I wish you never came into my world. It's my world, it's not ours anymore
Sometimes you really regret doing certain things... I regret giving my heart to a wolf... Little Red Riding Hood was certainly way smarter than me... u.u
Ingrid Michaelson - Breakable
Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts? Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts. So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess, And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.
You fasten my seatbelt because it is the law. In your two ton death trap I finally saw. A piece of love in your face that bathed me in regret. Then you drove me to places I'll never forget.
And we are so fragile, And our cracking bones make noise, And we are just, Breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.
This is literally the last song I sent to him... I wonder how things changed so much from then to now. A beautiful song by one of my favorite bands: Perfume.
I don't want to lose to this love, give it, give it up In the season when hot wind blows, my heart sways Even now, I still don't believe them But those words remain stuck in my mind
We can't meet, and I wonder where my feelings could be I want to see you, but I can't find the keypad Even though I wish this distance could shrink soon Moody boy, what could I send to you ?
I play at lining up words like 5-7-5; ah, I want to search for your heart 1-2-3 passes slowly, and the final train has already closed "Ah, I've got some free time now" -- could this be my chance ? Pushing the buttons little by little now I close my eyes and pray for a reply as I send these feelings to you
"Hey, hey, what are you up to now ? " "I thought I'd go to sleep soon" But I don't want to sleep at all Our conflict in the empty dead of night It's a natural high; is today already a goodnight ? He's such a selfish person, but he's the one I love Good night; this season isn't over yet
I don't want to give him to that girl, give it, give it up In the season when hot wind blows, I wipe away my tears Even now, I still don't believe them But those words remain stuck in my mind
We can't meet, and I wonder where my feelings could be I want to see you, but I can't find the keypad Even though I wish this distance could shrink soon Moody boy, what could I send to you ?
I play at lining up words like 5-7-5; ah, I want to search for your heart 1-2-3 passes slowly, and the final train has already closed "Ah, I've got some free time now" -- could this be my chance ? Pushing the buttons little by little now I close my eyes and pray for a reply as I send these feelings to you
"Hey, hey, what are you up to now ? " "I thought I'd go to sleep soon" But I don't want to sleep at all Our conflict in the empty dead of night It's a natural high; is today already a goodnight ? He's such a selfish person, but he's the one I love Good night, good morning; this season isn't over yet
We can't meet, and I wonder where my feelings could be I want to see you, but I can't find the keypad Even though I wish this distance could shrink soon Moody boy, what could I send to you ?
Paramore = new song! And pretty self-explanatory for me, since many things in my past are dying or dead to me now (finally) and I am being set free from them... I hope you like the song as much as I do.
Paramore - In The Mourning
You escape like a runaway train Off the tracks and down again My heart's beating like a steam boat tugging all your burdens On my shoulders
In the mourning I'll rise In the mourning I'll let you die In the mourning, all my worry.
Now there's nothing but time that's wasted And words that have no backbone Now it seems like the whole world's waiting Can you hear the echoes fading?
In the mourning I'll rise In the mourning I'll let you die In the mourning, all my 'sorry's
And if you haven't noticed it seems as if Kelly Clarkson's songs always fit to what my heart is feeling. So yeah, these songs reflect what my heart is feeling, was feeling and has started to no longer feel. XD
Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone
Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high It never would've worked out right We were never meant for do or die
I didn't want us to burn out I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop
I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road someone's gotta go And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
Looking at you makes it harder But I know that you'll find another That doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in Perfect couldn't keep this love alive You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go
I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Remember all the things we wanted Now all our memories they're haunted We were always meant to say goodbye
I want you to know that it doesn't matter Where we take this road someone's gotta go And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on so I'm already gone
I'm already gone, already gone You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong I'm already gone, already gone There's no moving on so I'm already gone
Well, I am happy to say I am happily over the loss of a very dear person to me, because I have been reassured that he is over me as well. And now I can actually breathe and move on with my life! It feels soooo good, and my friends support me 100% and that makes me feel even better! So, this song is all for you, I can now get what I want.
Kelly Clarkson - Since You've Been Gone
Here's the thing we started off friends. It was cool but it was all pretend. You dedicated you took the time. Wasn't long till I called you mine. Since you been gone... And all you'd ever hear me say is how I pictured me with you. That's all you'd ever hear me say. How can I put it? You put me on. I even fell for that stupid love song. Since you been gone... But since you been gone I can breathe for the first time. I'm so movin on. Thanks to you now I get what I want. Since you been gone... You had your chance you blew it. Out of sight, out of mind. Shut your mouth I just can't take it again and again and again and again... But since you been gone I can breathe for the first time. I'm so movin on. Thanks to you now I get what I want. Since you been gone... XD
It has been 3 months since the last time I spoke to him, and it has been a living hell, but I have been able to overcome it little by little with the help of the people who love me. This song is all for him... I am trembling as I write this though... three months and I am still sober... kind of, because I did get drunk last night :D oh well, here goes for you, my lonely wolf...
And I don't know This could break my heart or save me Nothing's real Until you let go completely So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving So here I go with all my fears weighing on me
Three months and I'm still sober Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers But I know it's never really over
And I don't know I could crash and burn but maybe At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right No comparing, second guessing, no not this time
Three months and I'm still breathing Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know It's never really over, no
Wake up
Three months and I'm still standing here Three months and I'm getting better yeah Three months and I still am
Three months and it's still harder now Three months I've been living here without you now Three months yeah, three months
Three months and I'm still breathing Three months and I still remember it Three months and I wake up
Three months and I'm still sober Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
Here is the song... one of the most beautiful songs I have ever heard in my life, and I break down every freaking time I hear it...
Hoy desperté a las 3 am llorando y retorciendomé del dolor, pero no era dolor físico. Era más bien dolor que sale de lo mas profundo del corazón... el peor dolor porqué no sabes como hacerlo parar, porque no puedes curarlo con medicina... Lloraba por tí, porque ya no te tengo en mi vida, porque me haces falta, porque tú llenabas algo en mi que nadie mas puede llenar, ni siquiera él. Aunque el me ame mucho, no puede llenar ese vacío como tú. Lloraba, cantaba y oraba a la vez, estuve así por dos horas, hasta que el se percató que yo no dormía y el intentó consolarme, finalmente logrando que yo conciliara el sueño. Tengo miedo de que nunca te vaya a poder olvidar, y que esto que siento dentro siempre será así de fuerte y yo no podré estar sin tí, pero debo ser fuerte, por mi y por él, por nosotros, porque yo lo amo a el tanto como te amaba y todavía te amo a tí. Mientras lloraba se me venía a la mente esta canción...
You spoke the words, the room dropped 10 degrees Suddenly I start to freeze The air is thin, it’s hard to breathe How should I react? Where to begin? The walls are slowly caving in It’s dangerous this state I’m in Then you try to explain your deed, as I stand here and bleed Shut up, I’ve already heard enough I’m detached from my sanity, unstable and unwise Don’t move, and nobody has to die But I guess…
Breaking the pause, I go to turn around I walk away, it’s getting loud Someone turn the volume down Gotta get destroyed and lose my head Don’t think that I’ll return to bed The bulls are out and seeing red Take shelter, protect your heart, cause some treat it as art Painting over and over it again I try not to fall apart, attempting to hold on Freak out, and everyone plays along That…
Cry for me Let me know you’re giving me thought No more lies for me Inject me with the honesty shot Just sympathy Leave it with me, it’s all that I’ve got To face the storm out there
But…
I’m, doing just fine, I’m doing just fine Just give me some time, I need to close my eyes I’m doin just fine, and I’ll be all right Don’t worry I’m fine, as I leave the world behind Don’t touch me I’m shaking, can you hear me breaking? Yet somehow I’m still standing Well maybe I’m crazy, but this is really hard for me
To think your heart belonged to me Can I get some sympathy?
And you don’t seem to understand A shame you seemed an honest man And all the fears you hold so dear Will turn to whisper in your ear And you know what they say might hurt you And you know that it means so much And you don’t even feel a thing
I am falling I am fading I have lost it all
And you don’t seem the lying kind A shame that I can read your mind And all the things that I read there Candle lit smile that we both share And you know I don’t mean to hurt you But you know that it means so much And you don’t even feel a thing
I am falling I am fading I am drowning, help me to breathe I am hurting I have lost it all I am losing, help me to breathe
BoA is one of my all time favorite singers. And this song is sooo beautiful. I can really identify with some of the lyrics. Here goes...
The times that we can't go back to The feelings that have fallen Even if I grab them, they fall apart in my hand Because of the constant flowing tears. I keep on looking back "Don't leave me" Why were those words so hard back then? "Stay next to me". Why were those words so hard back then? Completely, wholefully I cherished the broken and falling memories No matter how much I try, there's no use The yearning holds me tight Even though it keeps me lingering. It won't even let me turn around Words of parting, words of weariness Those words are drenched in many smiles and tears. Like a lie, would I be able to live as if nothing happened? It's so damn hard for me to let you go You know I can't let you go You left me like that, but I keep seeing you Even if I grab you, you fall apart in my hand It's still you. I keep waiting for you. At the place where there's no empty memories of you.
