Monday, November 29, 2010

Revelation!

So, I came home as fast as I could. I came running home from the gym, and... OK, that's a lie, erase that, I did not come home running... I came home semi-walking and semi-limping because I worked my butt off at the gym today and I am exhausted. Anyways, I had a revelation today at the most random place ever: the gym. After a hiatus of TWO months of not going to the gym... I know... shame on me... well, I cannot really say shame on me, because I was sunk deep in one of the worst facets of depression I have ever had in my life, so I cannot say it is shame... so... um, sorry, I digress...

Anyhow, after two months of not working out, and feeling disgustingly fat (I gained FIVE pounds in these two months of sedentary and depressive state = gross), and being so stressed I literally pull my hair out of my scalp, I decided enough was enough. I came home as early as I could, put on Ke$ha's new song "We R Who We R", and pumped myself with some energy to go to the gym (and motivating myself for the walking to the gym, even though it is cold as hell outside... oh wait, hell isn't cold... I mean cold as the North Pole?).

So, once I was at the gym and working that treadmill as if my life depended on it, I discovered and came to realize three things: (1) I need a new pair of workout shoes (I know, random); (2) I love my boyfriend (Ryan Moreno) very much (he has been there for me all this freaking time when I was in such a pathetic state I cannot even feel sorry for myself); and (3) Enough is enough. And literally, you guys, each freaking step I took on that treadmill, I began to feel lighter and lighter. Amazing! Heck, on my walk back home I felt three pounds lighter (I know... only three... lame), but it felt so darn good!

And while I was working my booty off on that treadmill until I got red as a tomato, no, wait, a tomato was pink in comparison with how red my face was (I get really red and sweaty when I work out... ^^), I realized I need to get my S%#@* together (pardon my French). You see, after you are depressed for a such a long time, your life gets kind of boring and terribly sad, and my friends can testify for me, I am not a boring or sad gal per se, so I realized I had to find myself again. And I think I did! It was like my old self came and slapped me in the face real hard. It was awesome!

Sigh, anyways, I remembered that I am a dream fighter, and that I have NEVER let anything bring me down. I am healing little by little, slowly but surely. I feel way better now. And, well, I want to thank some people who were there for me these last months when I felt like I was in some sort of limbo... First, I want to thank God for never leaving me, and while He shows me lessons the hard way, He is faithful and does help you in the end., He just wanted me to REALLY see what was going on. Second I want to thank my mama and my sisters who are there for me always. I also want to thank my awesome and amazing boyfriend! Ry, baby, I do not know what I would do without you. You are my hero!

And then, I want to thank some very special, old and new friends, for their moral support: Joshua Davis, my onii-san, the big brother I always wished for. Your presence in my life means so much to me! You are very dear to me, my friend. I thank you for all your moral support. I will always be here for you too! Mercedes Asencio, you rock woman! Thx for hearing me out and for being such an awesome friend! El Señor de las Flores te bendiga y te guarde! Zei-chan, I love you so darn much! Sos una gran persona y te tengo un cariño inmenso, mujer! Y amo a tu nena! Gabo, sos lo maximo! Gracias por tu apoyo incondicional! Keitaro - creeme, tu apoyo es invaluable. You always make me smile! Zerg - un nuevo amiguito que Dios me mando. Gracias por escuchar mis penas sin conocerme mucho y gracias por tus consejos (que son muy buenos por cierto)! And there are many other people who have been there for me from time to time. Thanks to all of you. I love you very much!

And now, to remind us all who we are, I leave you with "Dream Fighter" from one of my fav bands: Perfume!

Everyone says that general solutions are the best
And you can say that it's somehow practical
But you can't gain perfection that way
So general solutions won't satisfy me

Until now I thought that it's okay with me
But right now it's a far, distance past

Searching for the best is an endless journey
But this is the proof of our existence
Even if you'll have to deal with hardships
Don't you ever give up

Hey, everyone mentions the future
and you can say that it's somehow practical
not darkness, but light will come shining in
However, being normal won't satisfy me

Searching for the best is an endless journey
But this is the proof of our existence
We also continue running and
all our overflowing teardrops are treasures too
Even if the cruel reality will hit us and we feel depressed

We'll still be able to keep on moving, You are a Dream Fighter

~ Yatsutaka Nakata

3 comments:

  1. Para alguien que sigue en esos agujeros de depresión, gracias, inspira. /bow

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