I am gonna try to stand still and look pretty...

Sometimes I want to paint my face and pretend that I am someone else. Sometimes I get so fed up. I don't even want to look at myself. Sometimes I find myself shaking in the middle of the night and then it hits me and I can't even believe this is my life. But people have problems that are worse than mine. I don't want you to think I'm complaining all the time. I'm just not strong enough to deal with it. I am slowly falling apart. You might think it's easy being me. It might be, but it surely does not feel like it. People tell me to chill and they also say: "You just stand still and look pretty..." Sounds simple, but it is an awful hard thing to do for me right now...