Stop This Song (Lovesick Melody)

Forget Me Not. Northern Cross.

I can no longer remember the start of this journey. 
Before I realized, I was already here. 
As the seasons wore away, 
Those who sense the invisible infrared rays become lost.

I will probably lose them, 
These feelings that I risk my life for. 
I loved as if I were fighting to survive. 
I spent all my time building my dream. 
I wanted to land on that star. 
I wanted to fly in your sky.

Wouldn't someone please caress my empty contours?
Pushed on by the beating of in my chest, these words of love rolled out of my mouth. 
But no one answers them, and I don't know what to do. 
Chosen by destiny, the Northern Star is burning bright. 
Though it snatched you away from me into the sooty darkness, 
You continued to smile so gracefully. I loved that part of you.

If you are gone, then there's no meaning left to life.
I don't care if everyone disappeared. 
If my love is gone, then I have no more use for my heart. 
This world can just disappear.

I was always in pain.
I would risk my life for that first time we met. 
I dreamt as if I were struggling to breathe. 
I reached my hands out blindly. 
I wanted to listen to your heartbeat. 
I wanted to build a rainbow with you.

Wouldn't someone please embrace me tightly with daybreak's sentimentality.
Tears of love that scatter as they are repelled by orbits of dreams will do. 
Their painful flow is just fine for me. 
Called back by destiny, the Northern Star is crying. 
If I have to survive in this labyrinth anyway, 
I want to die loving you to my last breath.

And it will begin, 
The finale I will risk my life for.
I loved as if I were fighting to survive.
I kicked on dreams on until they are crumpled.
I wanted to end on that star.
I wanted to bloom in your sky.

Wouldn't someone please caress my empty contours?
The motions of time have erased away
The words of love that could not be saved.
So please, give me your answer one more time.
Chosen by destiny, the Northern Star is burning bright.
Though it snatched you away from me into the sooty darkness,
You continued to smile so gracefully. I loved that part of you. 

- Yoko Kanno, Yuho Iwasato & Gabriela Robin

Oblivious

The truth is that ever since
I realized I could fly in the sky
I’ve been too afraid to flap my wings,
and I’ve forgotten the wind

oblivious
Where are we headed?
Far off in the distance we can see a mirage
Which although we fear it
Will show us our future someday

When our shelterless hearts
drew close together
Look, true sorrow has
spread apart its wings

oblivious
In the night
Like a dream of midday shadows
I’m sure we shall fall
Toward the light

Someday, with you
Night, morning, afternoon,
stars, illusion
Summer, winter, time, wind
Water, earth, sky
we go further in the destiny

oblivious
Stay close to me
Look, a silent love begins
Someday we will shiver
As we head toward our future

oblivious
Where are we headed?
We flee into the distance
underneath the water
What a beautiful voice

Sing aloud
Our future

~ Yuki  Kajiura

4 years later - a thousand miles.

This one is for him.

Making my way downtown, walking fast
Faces pass and I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead, just making my way
Making a way through the crowd
And I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
Tonight

It's always times like these when I think of you
And I wonder if you ever think of me
'Cause every thing's so wrong and I don't belong
Living in your precious memory
'Cause I need you
And I miss you
And now I wonder

If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
Tonight

And I don't wanna let you know
I drown in your memory
I don't wanna let this go
I, I don't
Making my way downtown, walking fast
Faces pass and I'm home bound
Staring blankly ahead, just making my way
Making a way through the crowd

And I still need you
And I still miss you
And now I wonder
If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass us by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you

If I could fall into the sky
Do you think time would pass me by?
'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
If I could just see you
If I could just hold you
Tonight

Joan of Arc

Joan of Arc was named Jeanette by her parents, but she was called Jeanne by the French, which was Latinicized into Johanna, and Anglicized into Joan. Um, hello? Major name change here, huh? Anyways, even if peeps say Joan of Arc was loopy or whatever, I love her. She was so brave and strong. Plus her original name ~Jeanette ~ is a combo of my two names together: Jen + Annette! Jeanette. Awesomeness. 

"Courage! Do not fall back; in a little the place will be yours!"

"Fear not, however many they may be! Neither weigh difficulties. God guides our work."

"Go bravely" all will be well. Have no fear. We shall find none who can harm us."

Joan to a priest while being wet with Holy Water due to the fact that the priest thought Joan was a witch. ~ "And I said to him, 'Come on bravely. I shall not fly away'".

Joan of Arc ~ In her own words ~

Joan always exhorted people to be brave. I wish I were like her. Maybe someday I will be able to tell people to be brave. For now, I have my own fears to deal with and I want to attain the level of bravery Joan had, even if people indeed think I am insane, so be it. 

Safe and Sound

Death ~ just reading the word shakes me up so bad. It is actually one of my biggest phobias. This phobia or fear is called thanatophobia. It is quite a natural phenomenon. None of us know really knows what will happen to us after we die. Thanatophobia definitely has roots in fears of the unknown. It is part of the human condition to want to know and understand the world around us. What happens after death, however, cannot be proven while we are still alive. People who are highly intelligent and inquisitive are often at greater risk for this type of thanatophobia, as are those who are questioning their own philosophical or religious beliefs. My thanatophobia is constantly at the back of my mind. My fear is worst at night, when I am alone in the dark and not distracted by day-to-day events. It makes sense that I would suffer from this since I have anxiety issues. But I digress… 


The whole reason why I starting thinking about death is because exactly one month ago, a very dear uncle to me left this world. He died after having a very tormented life. I guess he is resting now.  He was so young though – only 39 years old. He sunk more and more into despair because no one ever listened to him or did not listen to him enough. I certainly did not listen to him enough. I should have listened more. My uncle was an alcoholic and he died with his liver destroyed. Addictions, such as alcoholism and/or drugs are a temporary escape, but certainly not the solution. Unfortunately, my uncle knew no other way. That is why when you see someone in need, please stop and listen. I wish I could have been able to spend more time with my uncle. I feel a hole in my stomach. It’s too late. Two deaths in my family have left me sad and have left me with a hole not only in my stomach but in my heart as well. My great-grandmother, who literally was an angel on Earth. She died circa 2006 and now my uncle. Now with my uncle’s death, I feel a sharp pain in my heart. I can’t stop thinking about all the things I could have and should have done.to help. He had such a good heart. We needed, still need, and will always need people like my uncle. He was never violent and never reproached anything to anybody. Why do the good ones always have to go away before us? Is it to teach us a lesson? How come the good ones are so fragile?

When I found out my uncle had died, I played this song and thought about him. I hope he is safe and sound now, resting in peace.

I remember tears streaming down your face

When I said, I'll never let you go

When all those shadows almost killed your light

I remember you said, Don't leave me here alone

But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound
Don't you dare look out your window darling

Everything's on fire

The war outside our door keeps raging on

Hold onto this lullaby

Even when the music's gone

Just close your eyes

The sun is going down

You'll be alright

No one can hurt you now

Come morning light

You and I'll be safe and sound
You'll be alright

Come morning light,

You and I'll be safe and sound...

Just close your eyes

~ Taylor Swift

No More Drama

I was watching "The Voice" yesterday (yes I watch "The Voice") and I this song was part of the battle. I feel in love with it. I realized that there are always amazing songs out there that I can relate to. I heard this and I suddenly felt tears run down my face. I have been through so much in my life and this is something that has been weighing on me a lot lately. I feel for myself because I am standing up against my past and I know I have become stronger. Even so, our past can still create drama for us if we let it. That is why I can relate to this song ~ I don't want to have more drama in my life.

So tired, tired of this drama
No more, no more
I wanna be free
I'm so tired, so tired


Broken heart again
Another lesson learned
Better know your friends
Or else you will get burned

Gotta count on me
Cause I can guarantee
That I'll be fine


No more pain, no more pain
No drama, no more drama in my life
No one's gonna make me hurt again


Why'd I play the fool
Go through ups and downs
Knowing all the time
You wouldn't be around
Or maybe I like the stress
Cause I was young and restless
But that was long ago
I don't wanna cry no more

No more pain, no more pain
No more game, no more game messin' with my mind
No drama, no more drama in my life
No one's gonna make me hurt again
No more tears, no more tears. I'm tired of cryin' everynight
No more fears, no more fears. I really don't wanna cry
No drama, no more drama in my life


I don't ever wanna hurt again
Wanna speak my mind, wanna speak my mind


Uh, it feel so good when you let go of all the drama in your life
Now you're free from all the pain
Free from all the game, free from all the stress
So find your happiness
I don't know
Only God knows where the story ends for me
But I know where the story begins
It's up to us to choose
Whether we win or loose
And I choose to win


No more pain, no more pain
No more game, tired of your playin' games with my mind
No drama, no more drama in my life 
No more, no more, no more, no more
No more tears, no more tears, no more cryin' every night
No more fears, no more waking be up in the morning
No drama, mo more in my life
So tired, tired of this drama
No more drama