Flow

These days don’t disappear like bubbles.

Today, again, I’m hoping for a hint of presence on the other side of the door.

Even though the words of the yesterday that pretended to be tomorrow finally disappeared,

What I can do to keep hold over everything of yours is the only thing I’m thinking about.

Your voice overflows through this parched room.

As though searching for water, I’m calling for you.

Waiting for a favorable wind, I sharpen my ears.

As though searching for water, I’m calling for you.

These days don’t disappear like bubbles.

Today, again, I’m hoping for a hint of presence on the other side of the night.

Even though I know full well that a tomorrow the same as yesterday won’t come,

What I can do to keep hold over everything of yours is the only thing I’m thinking about.

Your voice overflows through this parched room.

As though searching for water, I’m calling for you.

Waiting for a favorable wind, I sharpen my ears.

As though searching for water, I’m calling for you.

At this point, I step back, clicking my heels.

As though searching for water, I’m calling for you.

Beating Heart

Eyes make their peace in difficulties
With wounded lips and salted cheeks
And finally we step to leave
To the departure lounge of disbelief

And I don't know where I'm going
But I know it's gonna be a long time
And I'll be leaving in the morning
Come the white wine bitter sunlight

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight
Before the bleeding sun comes alive
I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight
And hear my beating heart one last time
Before daylight

In the canyon underneath the trees
Behind the dark sky, you looked at me
I fell for you like autumn leaves 
Never faded, evergreen

And I don't know where I'm going
But I know it's gonna be a long time
'Cause I'll be leaving in the morning
Come the white wine bitter sunlight

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight
Before the bleeding sun comes alive
I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight
And hear my beating heart one last time

I can't face this now everything has changed
I just wanna be by your side, here's hoping we collide
Here's hoping we collide
Here's hoping we collide

Wanna hear your beating heart tonight
Before the bleeding sun comes alive
I want to make the best of what is left, hold tight
And hear my beating heart one last time
Wanna hear your beating heart tonight

The Wolves

Someday my pain
Someday my pain will mark you
Harness your blame
Harness your blame, walk through

With the wild wolves around you
In the morning, I'll call you
Send it farther on

Solace my game
Solace my game, it stars you
Swing wide your crane
Swing wide your crane and run me through

And the story's all over
In the morning, I'll call you
Can't you find a clue
When your eyes are all painted Sinatra blue

What might have been lost
What might have been lost
What might have been lost
What might have been lost

Don't bother me
What might have been lost

Someday my pain
Someday my pain, my pain
Someday my pain
Someday my pain

Youth

They didn't warn me
When I was running wild
The dragons breathing fire
In the backyard at night

We live in circles
And it's so hard to breathe
Maybe the same old fears
What have we here?
Don't bring me down
With you

Now I'm just chasing time
With a thousand dreams I'm holding heavy
And as we cross the line these fading beats have all been severed
Don't tell me our youth is running out
It's only just begun

If I asked you for good news
Would you smile and turn away?
It's like a bad dream
That is too afraid to wake

There are many among us
And we're changing all the time
Maybe the same old fears
What have we here?
Don't bring me down
With you

Now I'm just chasing time
With a thousand dreams I'm holding heavy
And as we cross the line these fading beats have all been severed
Don't tell me our youth is running out
It's only just begun

These fading beats…
A thousand dreams…
These fading beats…
A thousand dreams…
It's only just begun

Strangers

Nothing more than strangers 
Passing by out on the street
Memories are fading though 
It's only been a week
All the little things are gone 
The things we used to be
Nobody could take us down 
There was only you and me

And without you I can't be
You're the universe to me
You're the air in my lungs
You're the fields where I run
You're the sky where I'm floating

It's you, you, you
It's you!

And without you I can't be
You're the universe to me
You're the air in my lungs
You're the fields where I run
You're the sky where I'm floating

It's you, you, you
It's you!

Don't want to be a stranger
Want to be the one you need
I can be your world, your life
Your lover, all for free
All the little things come back
The things we used to be
Nobody can take us down there
It's only you and me

And without you I can't be

You're the universe to me
You're the air in my lungs
You're the fields where I run
You're the sky where I'm floating

No pain, No game

Embracing the furthest ends of stories
I aimlessly continued loitering about
This blurred out new world

The game has only just begun
Right now with the eyes of beginnings

This is what tomorrow brings >>> a new game
It's time to learn that pain is gain. Ready! Fight!

In order to paint out the disappointments of the past
I made the future my scapegoat
Until my life is all used up
I'll just destroy that destiny

Ah~
Break out and start a revolution
And search for one answer

Tackling the race of my limits
Knowing that it's my only chance
I'll get passed it with the fate that I'm burdened with

Embracing the furthest ends of stories
I aimlessly continued loitering about
This blurred out new world

The game has only just begun
Right now with the eyes of beginnings

When you feel you've reached the last dead end
what will you do to save yourself from fate?
Would you take a knife into your heart
or would you rather break the fall and take defeat?

Ah~
Step out and find your evolution
Project out your own world

Contending for a chase of eternity
Making a once in a life time start
I'll pass through even the insane wills of the heavens

Holding close the images that withered away
I continued fighting without cause to in this
Hazy true world

The game has only just begun
Now, are the beginning days

In the thresholds of reality and fake
Allow a reset of only one time
And salvation will surely be inside your heart

Embracing the furthest ends of stories
I aimlessly continued loitering about
This blurred out new world

The game has only just begun
Right now with the eyes of beginnings

~ Nano

Wide Awake

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was in the dark
I was falling hard
With an open heart
I'm wide awake
How did I read the stars so wrong?

I'm wide awake
And now it's clear to me
That everything you see
Ain't always what it seems
I'm wide awake
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long
I wish I knew then
What I know now

Wouldn't dive in
Wouldn't bow down
Gravity hurts
You made it so sweet
Till I woke up on
On the concrete

Falling from cloud 9
Crashing from the high
I'm letting go tonight
Yeah I'm falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
Not losing any sleep
Picked up every piece
And landed on my feet
I'm wide awake
Need nothing to complete myself 

I'm wide awake
Yeah, I am born again
Outta the lion's den
I don't have to pretend
And it's too late

The story's over now, the end

Thunder rumbling

Castles crumbling

Yeah, I'm Falling from cloud 9

Crashing from the high

You know I'm letting go tonight

I'm Falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake
I am trying to hold on

God knows that I tried

Seeing the bright side

But I'm not blind anymore

I'm wide awake

Oblivious

The truth is that ever since
I realized I could fly in the sky
I’ve been too afraid to flap my wings,
and I’ve forgotten the wind

oblivious
Where are we headed?
Far off in the distance we can see a mirage
Which although we fear it
Will show us our future someday

When our shelterless hearts
drew close together
Look, true sorrow has
spread apart its wings

oblivious
In the night
Like a dream of midday shadows
I’m sure we shall fall
Toward the light

Someday, with you
Night, morning, afternoon,
stars, illusion
Summer, winter, time, wind
Water, earth, sky
we go further in the destiny

oblivious
Stay close to me
Look, a silent love begins
Someday we will shiver
As we head toward our future

oblivious
Where are we headed?
We flee into the distance
underneath the water
What a beautiful voice

Sing aloud
Our future

~ Yuki  Kajiura

Life

Live with intention.

Cultivate love.

Embrace joy.

Inspire hope.

Build intimacy.

Walk to the edge.

Listen hard.

Play with abandon.

Practice wellness.

Laugh.

Fail with enthusiasm.

Continue to learn.

Appreciate your friends.

Choose with no regret.

Risk love.

Stand by your family.

Do what you love.

Celebrate life.

Live as if this is all there is.

~ Mary Anne Radmacher

Hold On

The other day I was watching the movie Bridesmaids. [I love Maya Rudolph's wedding dress on the cover of the DVD/Blu-Ray, by the way. I want my wedding dress to be like that]. The bride's favorite song is Hold On. I loved the movie so much, and the usage of this song just made me love it that much more. I grew up listening to Wilson Phillips. My mom and I would sing and dance in our living room. I never really paid that much attention to the lyrics. I just liked the beats and all. But now that I am older the lyrics has much more meaning for me. Hold On is a song full of hope for the future. I think it is the perfect song to begin 2012 with. I leave with you the lyrics and video of Hold On.

I know this pain

Why do lock yourself up in these chains?

No one can change your life except for you

Don't ever let anyone step all over you

Just open your heart and your mind

Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

You could sustain

Or are you comfortable with the pain?

You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness

You got yourself into your own mess

Lettin' your worries pass you by

Don't you think it's worth your time

To change your mind?

I know that there is pain

But you hold on for one more day and

Break free from the chains

Yeah I know that there is pain

But you hold on for one more day and you

Break free, break from the chains

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to

Turn around and say goodbye

Until then baby are you going to let them

Hold you down and make you cry

Don't you know?

Don't you know things can change

Things'll go your way

If you hold on for one more day yeah

If you hold on

Can you hold on

Hold on baby

Won't you tell me now

Hold on for one more day 'Cause

It's gonna go your way

Make up your mind

Hold on

Hold on

Baby hold on

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Here are some things I learned from the book 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close'. I can relate to them so much, and if I don't relate to them just yet, I feel like I will be able to apply them to my life someday ~

~I hope that one day you will have the experience of doing something you do not understand for someone you love.

~ I regret that it takes a life to learn how to live.

~ It's not a horrible world, but it is filled with a lot of horrible people.

~ So many people enter and leave your life. Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go.

~ There are more places you haven't heard of than you've heard of.

~ Why didn't I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.

~ There's nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.

~ ...sometimes you have to put your fears in order...

~ The end of suffering does not justify the suffering, and so there is no end to suffering.

~ I took the world into me, rearranged it, and sent it back out as a question: "Do you like me?"

~ I looked at everyone and wondered where they came from, and who they missed and what they were sorry for. I started to wonder if there were other people so lonely so close to each other. I thought about 'Eleanor Rigby'. It's true. Where do they all come from? Where do they all belong? 

Jonathan Safran Foer, for making me think about life with more intensity than I did before.

Distractions, Frustrations, and Losing Yourself.

Don’t you just hate it when you can’t focus on what you need to? Having your mind filled with thoughts that shouldn't be there, or being distracted by something that shouldn’t matter anymore? Having to think about what should’ve been or could’ve been. Or what would’ve been. Overthinking to the point where your mind becomes a wreck and you end up not thinking at all? ~ just going blank. So you lay your head down and just think to yourself,“Why me? Why now?”.

Revelation!

So, I came home as fast as I could. I came running home from the gym, and... OK, that's a lie, erase that, I did not come home running... I came home semi-walking and semi-limping because I worked my butt off at the gym today and I am exhausted. Anyways, I had a revelation today at the most random place ever: the gym. After a hiatus of TWO months of not going to the gym... I know... shame on me... well, I cannot really say shame on me, because I was sunk deep in one of the worst facets of depression I have ever had in my life, so I cannot say it is shame... so... um, sorry, I digress...

Anyhow, after two months of not working out, and feeling disgustingly fat (I gained FIVE pounds in these two months of sedentary and depressive state = gross), and being so stressed I literally pull my hair out of my scalp, I decided enough was enough. I came home as early as I could, put on Ke$ha's new song "We R Who We R", and pumped myself with some energy to go to the gym (and motivating myself for the walking to the gym, even though it is cold as hell outside... oh wait, hell isn't cold... I mean cold as the North Pole?).

So, once I was at the gym and working that treadmill as if my life depended on it, I discovered and came to realize three things: (1) I need a new pair of workout shoes (I know, random); (2) I love my boyfriend (Ryan Moreno) very much (he has been there for me all this freaking time when I was in such a pathetic state I cannot even feel sorry for myself); and (3) Enough is enough. And literally, you guys, each freaking step I took on that treadmill, I began to feel lighter and lighter. Amazing! Heck, on my walk back home I felt three pounds lighter (I know... only three... lame), but it felt so darn good!

And while I was working my booty off on that treadmill until I got red as a tomato, no, wait, a tomato was pink in comparison with how red my face was (I get really red and sweaty when I work out... ^^), I realized I need to get my S%#@* together (pardon my French). You see, after you are depressed for a such a long time, your life gets kind of boring and terribly sad, and my friends can testify for me, I am not a boring or sad gal per se, so I realized I had to find myself again. And I think I did! It was like my old self came and slapped me in the face real hard. It was awesome!

Sigh, anyways, I remembered that I am a dream fighter, and that I have NEVER let anything bring me down. I am healing little by little, slowly but surely. I feel way better now. And, well, I want to thank some people who were there for me these last months when I felt like I was in some sort of limbo... First, I want to thank God for never leaving me, and while He shows me lessons the hard way, He is faithful and does help you in the end., He just wanted me to REALLY see what was going on. Second I want to thank my mama and my sisters who are there for me always. I also want to thank my awesome and amazing boyfriend! Ry, baby, I do not know what I would do without you. You are my hero!

And then, I want to thank some very special, old and new friends, for their moral support: Joshua Davis, my onii-san, the big brother I always wished for. Your presence in my life means so much to me! You are very dear to me, my friend. I thank you for all your moral support. I will always be here for you too! Mercedes Asencio, you rock woman! Thx for hearing me out and for being such an awesome friend! El Señor de las Flores te bendiga y te guarde! Zei-chan, I love you so darn much! Sos una gran persona y te tengo un cariño inmenso, mujer! Y amo a tu nena! Gabo, sos lo maximo! Gracias por tu apoyo incondicional! Keitaro - creeme, tu apoyo es invaluable. You always make me smile! Zerg - un nuevo amiguito que Dios me mando. Gracias por escuchar mis penas sin conocerme mucho y gracias por tus consejos (que son muy buenos por cierto)! And there are many other people who have been there for me from time to time. Thanks to all of you. I love you very much!

And now, to remind us all who we are, I leave you with "Dream Fighter" from one of my fav bands: Perfume!

Everyone says that general solutions are the best
And you can say that it's somehow practical
But you can't gain perfection that way
So general solutions won't satisfy me

Until now I thought that it's okay with me
But right now it's a far, distance past

Searching for the best is an endless journey
But this is the proof of our existence
Even if you'll have to deal with hardships
Don't you ever give up

Hey, everyone mentions the future
and you can say that it's somehow practical
not darkness, but light will come shining in
However, being normal won't satisfy me

Searching for the best is an endless journey
But this is the proof of our existence
We also continue running and
all our overflowing teardrops are treasures too
Even if the cruel reality will hit us and we feel depressed
We'll still be able to keep on moving, You are a Dream Fighter

~ Yatsutaka Nakata