Glider

Today is my anniversary with my boyfriend, Ryan. Three years together. We have been through so much and we are here: together, stronger than ever. I love him so much. He has been my strength and light when I felt weak and I was falling into the darkness. I love him so much.

I also love this song because it is super cute, and when I sing it and dance to it, I think about Ryan and how cute and goofy he can be sometimes. I love him. I know everything from here on is going to be just fine. Everything is going to be OK because I do not have that many ghosts haunting me anymore, and the ones that I still have can be taken care of. Our love is stronger than bakemonos (ghosts). I can feel it strong and I can see it clearly. I hope you guys like the song too. It is so adorable and Toshiko's voice transmits such cute and serene feelings. She gets what I am feeling in the song. Here you go!

Capsule - Glider 【グライダー】

Though I want to put clothes made in Heaven on
And I have a dream of flying in the sky
Though the sun is warm too
My wings have already broken
I felt like anything would come true
It was just a matter in the limited world
Am I the only one
That has never been out of this wall?

Since that day

There has been
Something precious

Unchanging in my heart
My feelings are high
Words are surely a glider
Almost always
I feel like I'm flying
After all, we seem to be living
Ah, from a distant place
I can't pray
For you
Come here
I want to be with you

The Sky

OK, weird! I just noticed that my first two entries in June are related to the sky. I don't know why.

That was totally not intentional. So random, I know! I just saw it and was like: O.o

Crimson Sky = blood & pain?

Starry Sky = dreams & hope?

Wow, I really scare myself sometimes.

Good thing I am going to therapy! :D

Starry☆Sky

I do not think I have mentioned this before, but I tend to obsess over a new song each week. I think this is because of my OCD tendencies. Anyways, when I find this song I like a lot, I listen to the song over an over again. Why? Because the song probably evokes some very strong and intense emotions from me and I like to soak myself in those emotions? Yeah, that must be it... O.o

So, here is the song I have been obsessing over this week. Capsule reminds me a little bit of Daft Punk and of Perfume (which makes sense since Capsule has the same producer as Perfume: Yasutaka Nakata a.k.a. J-electropop genius). This song is so simple yet so strong. Oh, and just as a heads up, Toshiko starts to sing until minute 1:30, but the music before that is super cool. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do, and I hope you feel the urge to sing and dance as I do. ^_^

Capsule - Starry☆Sky (スターリースカイ)

I sing for you. (I literally do. I love to sing, and I sing a lot when I am in love or when I just feel happy.)
I think of you (All the time! ^_^)
I remember when I lost my mind (I love losing my mind over happy things!)
Remember when you catch my heart (Le sigh.)

You know for you
You don't be shy
I remember when I lost my mind
Remember when you catch my heart

Today Starry sky. (I love starry skies, don't you?)
Let me kiss you
Today is starry
Come to find me
Starry sky

Hishoku No Sora >>> "Crimson Sky"

Mami Kawada - Hishoku No Sora

And so, dye this sky red. (Equivalent to blood in my book.) The time has come again for my body to only go forward. (I just gotta keep on going. I cannot let anything stop me. I have come so far.)

Even the ‘people’ who pass by and the ‘THINGS’ which become lost in confusion will one day be like vanished memories. A passionate unwavering ‘strength’, a fleeting swaying ‘weakness’. They meet the same end after all. (Don't we all?)

Such ordinary days melt the mundane world. (And they melt me as well.) The sun appears above the crimson world. Flutter in the wind and draw back the lines. Like the flowing tips of the hair, pierce the enemy. The feelings which were slashed, the swelling dream. Now, I will only carry all of my duties in my hands until the end. (I have to keep on moving. No faltering. My heart is buried deep. Guarded. I dare anyone to come near. They will be encountered my the darkest soldiers.)

Once again, another light has fallen, it has quietly disappeared to somewhere. It’s the reality which doesn’t change day after day. However, I definitely feel it, your warmth, your heartbeat. This can also be called the truth.

And so, it becomes crimson, scattering the mundane world. It’s now starting in the background of the evening sun. Why do I feel hesitation and confusion in my rapidly throbbing heart? Hurry, destroy this pain which explodes in useless rage.

The stained and scorched clouds in the sky burn the wishes concealed within. (My wishes that were buried deep might burn.) Tears welled up in my hesitant eyes, but change them into strength tomorrow. (My sorrow and my tears will become my strength.)

Offer up everything to the land where I have descended. With my single bright blade, I shall decapitate the darkness. The light deep within my heart will always sparkle. I will only carry out my duties until the end.

Perseverance...

My awesome President could not have said it any better. He really inspires me. He speaks the truth. Reality. After reading this, I feel invincible, like I can do anything, because I feel like what I have gone through is not all for nothing. I have a different perspective. I feel hope. I feel strong. I feel wise. No regrets. Empowered. Awesome. Ready to take on the world with my loved ones by my side.

Making your mark on the world is hard. If it were easy, everybody would do it. But it’s not. It takes patience, it takes commitment, and it comes with plenty of failure along the way. The real test is not whether you avoid this failure, because you won’t. it’s whether you let it harden or shame you into inaction, or whether you learn from it; whether you choose to persevere.

- Barack Obama

Don't Save Me

Becca - Don't Save Me

Perfect?

It has been more than six months now. I think today is the last day I will write about the Wolf. And now that I think about it, many things started after I stopped talking to him. I started writing this blog, I started having panic attacks, I started going to therapy, I started to focus more on school, I started to realize that I need to be more realistic (more than I was before O.o), and I came out of this trance-like state I was in. Sigh. I started to focus on the now. On my new life, and started cutting the ties of whatever held me back. I think my trip to Guatemala helped me realize that things will never be the same again.

The Jennifer that I used to be and that I protected so fiercely is no more. She has disappeared. Sure, my essence is still the same, but I have changed a lot. It was not easy for her to beat it. She was stubborn and she thought she was happy. But she wasn't. I wasn't happy. I needed to start focusing on what would make me happy now. And the Wolf helped me realize that. Yep, the Wolf. Because I was making him unhappy I realized I had to say goodbye to the old me. The one he loved. I am so different now. That is why I will be forever grateful with him. And that is why I let him go. And I still mourn him, but I am no longer sad or anxious when I think about him. I just feel this numbness inside. Confirmation that whatever happened is now dead, the ashes of the fire were taken away by the wind, and whatever was is no longer alive.

Do I wish I could have done things differently? Oh, yes. But there is nothing I can do about the past, right? It is what it is, and I have no regrets. You cannot live with regrets. They kill you. I am far from perfect and I never will be. I can only do so much. We all can do only so much. But I look towards my future with hope. I still daydream. I still go to therapy and I am hoping that will help me. I will finish my BA soon. I have a new job. I will see Florence again in like three weeks. My grandma is coming to visit us. Anime Expo is around the corner. I have an awesome mom and two awesome sisters. I have an amazing boyfriend. I have a cool dad. There are many things I need to be grateful for. I am not perfect, but like Pink would say, maybe I kinda am in my own way. :)

Anybody that can identify him or herself with this song, raise your hand!

Pink - Perfect

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around

You're so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line and we try try try but we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time.

Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than f*cking perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing ; you're f*cking perfect to me